Search run analysis for @theonion from Sat, February 18, 2023 at 17:11:22 -0800 (logged in)

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[tweet: 1627109000348307456, from: @danpostino (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:53:10 (HIGH,0,,,112) D J Vance, right?]

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D J Vance, right?
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_sourcetweets=
[tweet: 1627095824894431234, from: @biffoxofmd (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:00:49 (HIGH,,19,,992) I swear to Satan, The Onion is the only thing that can pull a laugh out of me anymore. Ugh.]
[tweet: 1627095791314812928, from: @1980dorothy (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:00:41 (HIGH,1,1,1,419) And the random hateful anti-trans bigotry of the author, huh?]
[tweet: 1627103203233005568, from: @pszych244 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:30:08 (HIGH,0,,,40) Did you miss the “plantation” part]
[tweet: 1627092763677458433, from: @buckland_bev (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:48:39 (HIGH,,28,,794) [from the UK, checks 'plantation weddings' are real] Oh my fucking God.]
[tweet: 1627108922937991169, from: @roguedemon2099 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:52:52 (HIGH,,1,,32) That gets you a follow.]
[tweet: 1627088838790352896, from: @krispbea (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:33:03 (HIGH,,3,1,1452) You just KNOW the wedding uses Manhattan Darling font type too]
[tweet: 1627102139251150854, from: @kislanykim (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:25:54 (HIGH,,1,,68) [runs off to Google "Manhattan Darling font"]]
[tweet: 1627089108517670917, from: @br58721166 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:34:07 (HIGH,,7,1,1684) Ikr? What to wear? Do they even make bustles for wizard capes?]
[tweet: 1627094725214994433, from: @rudetuesday (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:56:27 (HIGH,0,,,165) Wizardbounding/Potterbounding was pretty popular a while back.    I've been online too long and too often.]
[tweet: 1627088241068482561, from: @furrygahbidge (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:30:41 (HIGH,,30,,2349) There's an elf joke here somewhere]
[tweet: 1627089529525121024, from: @tricrotic12 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:35:48 (HIGH,,1,,319) Maybe something about an "elf minstrel show"?]
[tweet: 1627097609746927617, from: @jwolfe73 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:07:54 (HIGH,,1,,738) ... that was reported on the nytimes wedding announcements page.]
[tweet: 1627102892522975232, from: @pauleezo (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:28:54 (HIGH,0,,,309) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627088879366053888, from: @ayo_szn_ (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:33:13 (HIGH,0,,,1232) Now that's cooking]
[tweet: 1627089125588467714, from: @oldsackabones (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:34:12 (HIGH,,1,,1174) omg]
[tweet: 1627088371637178369, from: @supermormongirl (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:31:12 (HIGH,,1,,1728) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627091088292081666, from: @madmaxflapper (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:41:59 (HIGH,0,,,732) Please]
[tweet: 1627102539022839810, from: @lorien78 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:27:30 (HIGH,,,1,164) 1 of these things is a legitimate concern. It’s not Harry fucking potter related.]
[tweet: 1627108411622948864, from: @acbirdsdead (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:50:50 (HIGH,,1,,23) Your grandkids won’t agree. And they will be right.]
[tweet: 1627088437865226240, from: @yfuddyduddy (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:31:28 (HIGH,0,,,822) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627090501634772994, from: @jeffrey_reads (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:39:40 (LOW,,1,,233) Will the house elves be catering the event?]
[tweet: 1627088225658621954, from: @opagent_3 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:30:37 (LOW,0,,,482) Is that a trans woman?]
[tweet: 1627088813955874816, from: @furrygahbidge (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:32:57 (LOW,0,,,139) No follower andy]
[tweet: 0, from: @placeholder_handle (UNKNOWN) on 12/31/69 04:00:00 (LOW,0,0,0,0) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627093909741637639, from: @simoncatriley (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:53:12 (ABUSIVE,,,1,163) you’ve lost it    going along with the dumb mob is not satire]
[tweet: 1627096726405545984, from: @out_of_context (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:04:24 (ABUSIVE,0,,,39) You uh...you have a flag in your name....]

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You just KNOW the wedding uses Manhattan Darling font type too
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[from the UK, checks 'plantation weddings' are real] Oh my fucking God.
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I swear to Satan, The Onion is the only thing that can pull a laugh out of me anymore. Ugh.
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There's an elf joke here somewhere
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1 of these things is a legitimate concern. It’s not Harry fucking potter related.
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Ikr? What to wear? Do they even make bustles for wizard capes?
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And the random hateful anti-trans bigotry of the author, huh?
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... that was reported on the nytimes wedding announcements page.
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Will the house elves be catering the event?
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Maybe something about an "elf minstrel show"?
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you’ve lost it  

going along with the dumb mob is not satire
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Wizardbounding/Potterbounding was pretty popular a while back.  

I've been online too long and too often. 
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[runs off to Google "Manhattan Darling font"]
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Your grandkids won’t agree. And they will be right.
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Did you miss the “plantation” part
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You uh...you have a flag in your name....
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No follower andy
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Is that a trans woman?
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Now that's cooking
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Please 
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That gets you a follow.
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omg
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[tweet: 1627073240484159488, from: @bvtech (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:31:04 (HIGH,0,,,1090) Ha!! Now that was a good one.]
[tweet: 1627079275613687809, from: @truebird79 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:55:03 (HIGH,,1,,781) Hahaha there’s ALWAYS a Cody]
[tweet: 1627083618593153026, from: @lifeblood_core (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:12:19 (HIGH,0,,,644) I thought this meant the band lmao especially since it’s written like that]
[tweet: 1627076070108459008, from: @jeeps24hoosier (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:42:19 (HIGH,,1,,998) “Purity ring? Challenge accepted!”—Cody]
[tweet: 1627086939122970624, from: @codecody00 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:25:30 (HIGH,0,,,243) All Cody’s report in to verify.]
[tweet: 1627073253285179393, from: @yungsantaclaus (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:31:07 (HIGH,,31,,1837) cody you will never defeat my favourite synthpop band]
[tweet: 1627075306812215296, from: @noblameme (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:39:17 (HIGH,0,,,942) @PURITY_RING Thoughts?]
[tweet: 1627077950213619714, from: @ssyyzzggyy (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:49:47 (HIGH,0,,,697) Not Cody again]
[tweet: 1627107048591855616, from: @thenameisgsarci (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:45:25 (HIGH,0,,,60) CODY STRIKES AGAIN]
[tweet: 1627106974486921216, from: @elhefeontwitch (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:45:07 (HIGH,0,,,76) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627079886027517952, from: @plasticwestern (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:57:29 (HIGH,,1,,637) I heard Cody hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby’s after school. He’s so damn cool]
[tweet: 1627074179014221825, from: @mikeymumbelz (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:34:48 (HIGH,,22,1,854) The real protection comes from Cody's closeted homosexuality.]
[tweet: 1627081176283512835, from: @hemibparks (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:02:36 (HIGH,,3,,102) Well, it doesn't say who is wearing the purity ring...]
[tweet: 1627073443429756931, from: @natty4bumpo (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:31:53 (HIGH,1,3,,1019) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627075590720479233, from: @jeffrey_reads (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:40:25 (LOW,,1,,179) Cody powerless against the fact that her dad owns a baseball bat and knows where he lives.]
[tweet: 1627074167693778946, from: @magachrchpastr (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:34:45 (LOW,,3,1,243) Cody is a hot knife and our church youth group is butter]
[tweet: 1627093039352254465, from: @mg186065 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:49:45 (LOW,0,,,16) Cody’s dad is the youth minister.]
[tweet: 0, from: @placeholder_handle (UNKNOWN) on 12/31/69 04:00:00 (LOW,0,0,0,0) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627073503538315271, from: @vgkarim (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:32:07 (ABUSIVE,,,1,173) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627099983257210881, from: @madtownfuntime (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:17:20 (ABUSIVE,0,,,6) Yeah mark liberals are the dumb ones.]

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The real protection comes from Cody's closeted homosexuality.
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cody you will never defeat my favourite synthpop band
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Cody powerless against the fact that her dad owns a baseball bat and knows where he lives.
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Cody is a hot knife and our church youth group is butter 
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Well, it doesn't say who is wearing the purity ring...
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I heard Cody hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby’s after school. He’s so damn cool
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I thought this meant the band lmao especially since it’s written like that
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Cody’s dad is the youth minister.
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All Cody’s report in to verify.
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Ha!! Now that was a good one.
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Yeah mark liberals are the dumb ones.
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“Purity ring? Challenge accepted!”—Cody
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@PURITY_RING Thoughts?
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Hahaha there’s ALWAYS a Cody
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Not Cody again 
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CODY STRIKES AGAIN
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[tweet: 1627060047854575618, from: @daveschmarder (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:38:39 (HIGH,0,,,208) I could be that sick man.]
[tweet: 1627096867506102272, from: @gabeinreality (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:04:57 (HIGH,0,,,12) me, but paper plates]
[tweet: 1627058295633768449, from: @trublumarin (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:31:41 (HIGH,,3,,311) Oh my God that’s actually me right now!]
[tweet: 1627092928819773442, from: @jeffc58990396 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:49:18 (HIGH,0,,,45) Me when my wife’s gone on business for two days…]
[tweet: 1627099892467523584, from: @benbriant (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:16:59 (HIGH,0,,,10) If you are in this situation the lotion infused tissues make a HUGE difference to how sore your nose gets after a couple days.]
[tweet: 1627060856604467200, from: @thatauthorchick (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:41:52 (HIGH,,1,,189) This is me today…100%]
[tweet: 1627064985980637185, from: @alesta2212 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:58:16 (HIGH,0,,,117) That's me in the picture wtf]
[tweet: 1627068673377845251, from: @mollyemorgann (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:12:55 (HIGH,,1,,162) CCing everyone that got the Molly Head Cold, directly or indirectly - @DarbyVanHoutan @ERBrandt @cowlonfull]
[tweet: 1627061119939670016, from: @rpjpaints (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:42:54 (HIGH,0,,,148) for real tho lol]
[tweet: 1627067225332137987, from: @craigomal (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:07:10 (HIGH,0,,,104) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627059218573582343, from: @mattcoppock (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:35:21 (HIGH,,4,,249) Seems like j*rking off this much when you’re sick isn’t a great idea]
[tweet: 1627076248781598723, from: @jasperk_kraft (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:43:01 (HIGH,0,,,44) Eww.]
[tweet: 1627075416434552833, from: @downquigley (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 02:39:43 (HIGH,0,,,39) Yes a very very sick man. Just look at his Internet search history.]
[tweet: 0, from: @placeholder_handle (UNKNOWN) on 12/31/69 04:00:00 (HIGH,0,0,0,0) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627060342470893571, from: @vgkarim (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:39:49 (ABUSIVE,0,,,24) [empty]]

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Seems like j*rking off this much when you’re sick isn’t a great idea
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If you are in this situation the lotion infused tissues make a HUGE difference to how sore your nose gets after a couple days.
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CCing everyone that got the Molly Head Cold, directly or indirectly - @DarbyVanHoutan @ERBrandt @cowlonfull
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Yes a very very sick man. Just look at his Internet search history.
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Oh my God that’s actually me right now!
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I could be that sick man.
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Me when my wife’s gone on business for two days…
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That's me in the picture wtf
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This is me today…100%
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for real tho lol
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me, but paper plates
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Eww.
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[tweet: 1627052765007454209, from: @hankwil91232630 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:09:43 (HIGH,0,,,263) Herpes?]
[tweet: 1627051635632402432, from: @academicminded (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:05:13 (HIGH,,4,,348) "this is a small, family-run business"]
[tweet: 1627098422011641858, from: @realmissverse (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:11:08 (HIGH,0,,,23) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627051211823390722, from: @extracrispied (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:03:32 (HIGH,0,,,270) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627055369632763908, from: @narnianitro (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:20:04 (HIGH,,,1,311) The Onion really out here defending drag shows for kids]
[tweet: 1627052272407703553, from: @cryingtrumpbab2 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:07:45 (LOW,0,,,57) I've had flings going with two coworkers before.  It got too complicated.]
[tweet: 1627052844900835328, from: @russelltim151 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:10:02 (LOW,0,,,60) Don't shit were you eat. Really Really bad idea of dating, having affairs with co-worker's. It lead to you being gainfully unemployed.]

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Don't shit were you eat. Really Really bad idea of dating, having affairs with co-worker's. It lead to you being gainfully unemployed.
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I've had flings going with two coworkers before.  It got too complicated.
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"this is a small, family-run business"
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The Onion really out here defending drag shows for kids 
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Herpes?
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[tweet: 1627043029319143424, from: @ludvigthebirb (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:31:01 (HIGH,0,,,367) That's adorable]
[tweet: 1627106271764807680, from: @tylerismaximus (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 04:42:20 (HIGH,0,,,11) Spirit animal.]
[tweet: 1627044520234979332, from: @carrera075 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:36:57 (HIGH,0,,,305) Truly the highlight of its day]
[tweet: 1627046792507559936, from: @bobbyp865 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:45:59 (HIGH,0,,,188) I like beer. He likes squeals. Don’t knock us]
[tweet: 1627044016528437248, from: @realshow128 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:34:57 (HIGH,,30,,522) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627043183430619138, from: @ensgdt (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:31:38 (HIGH,,3,,434) this is a pro kink tweet and i am here for it]
[tweet: 1627045318440398848, from: @resistmonsters (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:40:07 (HIGH,,1,,251) *Hypothetical people with me during sex]
[tweet: 1627065186350936065, from: @theroebot (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:59:04 (HIGH,,1,,82) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627054103309299712, from: @locka99 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:15:02 (HIGH,0,,,81) Fantasizes about doing a Steve Irwin]
[tweet: 1627044941762535424, from: @back___again___ (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:38:37 (HIGH,0,,,149) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627052182905442308, from: @sezsimon42 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:07:24 (HIGH,0,,,56) When are you going to go back to satire? @TheOnion? @TheBabylonBee has filled some of the void but we need you to fool us with real fake news again. #maketheoniongreatagain]
[tweet: 0, from: @placeholder_handle (UNKNOWN) on 12/31/69 04:00:00 (HIGH,0,0,0,0) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627047027858198528, from: @victortoure (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:46:55 (ABUSIVE,0,,,31) Google]
[tweet: 1627043215990747137, from: @vgkarim (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:31:46 (ABUSIVE,0,,,68) [empty]]

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When are you going to go back to satire? @TheOnion? @TheBabylonBee has filled some of the void but we need you to fool us with real fake news again. #maketheoniongreatagain
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That's adorable
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*Hypothetical people with me during sex
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this is a pro kink tweet and i am here for it
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Fantasizes about doing a Steve Irwin
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I like beer. He likes squeals. Don’t knock us
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Truly the highlight of its day
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Spirit animal.
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Google
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[tweet: 1627051215451492352, from: @photodude24 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 01:03:33 (HIGH,,1,,195) “I just wanted to keep it in the family.”]
[tweet: 1627030632277889025, from: @realmissverse (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:41:46 (HIGH,,2,,587) Grandma's ring?]
[tweet: 1627037908950749185, from: @grannykookie (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:10:41 (HIGH,0,,,260) Is that really @TheOnion on Spoutible? If so, please let @cbouzy know so he can get you verified. Looking forward to seeing your spouts!]
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Is that really @TheOnion on Spoutible? If so, please let @cbouzy know so he can get you verified. Looking forward to seeing your spouts!
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“I just wanted to keep it in the family.”
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Grandma's ring?
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[tweet: 1627027096760459265, from: @kentucky_sparky (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:27:43 (HIGH,1,6,,251) The Onion and Fox News are both made up but at least the Onion is entertaining.]
[tweet: 1627026785849204737, from: @stillhasnolife (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:26:29 (HIGH,0,,,325) All hail the onion empire]
[tweet: 1627028186591645697, from: @adamjzayed (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:32:03 (HIGH,,2,,332) The onion is better than almost all news.]
[tweet: 1627038677938438145, from: @thrashley6 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:13:44 (HIGH,0,,,25) IT IS TIME FOR YALL TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE!!!]
[tweet: 1627027039424315392, from: @melonfelonies (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:27:29 (HIGH,0,,,294) thank you onion]
[tweet: 1627027180474572801, from: @katamount_mark (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:28:03 (HIGH,,4,,141) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627029490835628033, from: @mcdev (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:37:14 (HIGH,0,,,66) Impotent. It’s spelled impotent.]
[tweet: 0, from: @placeholder_handle (UNKNOWN) on 12/31/69 04:00:00 (HIGH,0,0,0,0) [empty]]
[tweet: 1627027683803639808, from: @tsunobi (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:30:03 (ABUSIVE,0,,,69) Email us your omnipotence]
[tweet: 1627030461649195011, from: @vgkarim (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:41:05 (ABUSIVE,0,,,12) [empty]]

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The Onion and Fox News are both made up but at least the Onion is entertaining.
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Impotent. It’s spelled impotent. 
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The onion is better than almost all news.
 ranking=6.741982392306438 from {coleman=0.43, cos=0.71, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.19, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=1.18, ari=0.1, lix=0, time=0.8, numword=0, fuzzy=0.5, fog=0.16}
 orders: orig=3, rank=3, date=7
Email us your omnipotence
 ranking=4.973935057505166 from {coleman=0.83, cos=1, smog=0.85, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.48, numsent=1, flesch=1.67, ari=0.33, lix=0, time=1, numword=0, fuzzy=2.25, fog=0.59}
 orders: orig=9, rank=4, date=6
All hail the onion empire
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 orders: orig=2, rank=5, date=2
IT IS TIME FOR YALL TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE!!!
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 orders: orig=4, rank=6, date=10
thank you onion
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 orders: orig=8, rank=9, date=1

 ranking=-2.6 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.4, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=10, rank=10, date=9

_sourcetweets=
[tweet: 1627026139133902849, from: @kushibo (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 11:23:54 (HIGH,0,,,106) “You’re married to them.”]

rankingFunctionName=formula1

_rankedtweets=
“You’re married to them.”
 ranking=-0.40278333333333505 from {coleman=0.49, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=0.03, lix=0.05, time=2, numword=0, kincaid=-0.13, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=1, rank=1, date=1

_sourcetweets=
[tweet: 1530001474805239810, from: @arthurrvandelay (UNKNOWN) on 05/26/22 06:42:32 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1530001675058020361, from: @explainthisbob (UNKNOWN) on 05/26/22 06:43:20 (HIGH,,1,1,undefined) The article is talking about a website where people can vote on products to get free products. If you don't vote, you won't get any products.]
[tweet: 1355632716021178376, from: @maseyleah (UNKNOWN) on 01/30/21 01:43:20 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) That day, when we lowered the bar to accepting vulgarity as the norm.]
[tweet: 1339810167701946368, from: @ynhallak (UNKNOWN) on 12/17/20 09:50:11 (HIGH,5,74,7,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1372196517239529476, from: @onionsin (UNKNOWN) on 03/17/21 07:41:58 (HIGH,,13,1,undefined) She's so sparkly, me like.]
[tweet: 1161109199713161216, from: @dasfnyc (UNKNOWN) on 08/12/19 07:56:20 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) @rustybrick Is this new?  Cc: @CyrusShepard]
[tweet: 1161305671498903554, from: @michaeljamesfox (UNKNOWN) on 08/13/19 08:57:02 (HIGH,,6,,undefined) Sarcastically very True!  News sites don't make money unless viewers click on the links to the content they post.  Advertisers are paying for views on content landing pages.]
[tweet: 1171505548488921088, from: @caie007 (UNKNOWN) on 09/10/19 12:27:42 (HIGH,,3,1,undefined) @kelvinelove @advocatemnyama]
[tweet: 1171604549062316035, from: @thabanimnyama (UNKNOWN) on 09/10/19 07:01:06 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) I’m out fam]
[tweet: 1352348666007322635, from: @jposhaughnessy (VERIFIED) on 01/21/21 12:13:42 (HIGH,1,100,1,undefined) This one seemed to work well at the time for Mad Magazine]
[tweet: 1352352260299366402, from: @wright_ap (UNKNOWN) on 01/21/21 12:27:59 (HIGH,,12,1,undefined) Or, like it says on the cover, National Lampoon.]
[tweet: 969751055671021569, from: @giddensvision (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:47:23 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) Speaking of! @nyltiaccc]
[tweet: 969751460824133632, from: @nyltiaccc (VERIFIED) on 03/02/18 05:49:00 (HIGH,,7,,undefined) only giving these willing clicks to the onion]
[tweet: 1606702525276733444, from: @voltairepress (UNKNOWN) on 12/24/22 09:25:07 (HIGH,1,1,,163) Onion article:  Man states the obvious after watching the “Glass Onion"  “Well I guess that means no one will be using the Glass Onion anymore”]
[tweet: 969622158312796160, from: @aslapbracelet (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:15:11 (HIGH,,172,,undefined) do u get money right when I click it or when the page completely loads?]
[tweet: 1117565926159687680, from: @jackyboyau (UNKNOWN) on 04/14/19 04:10:54 (HIGH,,113,,undefined) Loads]
[tweet: 969622565005201409, from: @machina_boy (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:16:48 (HIGH,11,2205,19,undefined) I clicked it. I read it. I saved the onion.]
[tweet: 969749845199261696, from: @phsprague (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:42:34 (HIGH,,5,,undefined) Good job jack]
[tweet: 969629772925079552, from: @thekatfysh (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:45:27 (HIGH,1,379,1,undefined) Clicked link, read article, and then white-listed in ad-blocker. I expect an accolade.]
[tweet: 1187075542274715648, from: @alfsgirl (UNKNOWN) on 10/23/19 11:37:18 (HIGH,1,3,,undefined) Bra-vo...]
[tweet: 969636499154264064, from: @deviant0n3 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 10:12:11 (HIGH,1,650,10,undefined) @deviant0n3's account is temporarily unavailable because it violates the Twitter Media Policy. https://Learn more.]
[tweet: 1224969713576484865, from: @learntoreadbrah (UNKNOWN) on 02/05/20 12:15:13 (HIGH,,28,,undefined) And let’s be honest, the headlines are usually the only good parts of Onion articles.]
[tweet: 1468663939944833035, from: @comfortablfetus (UNKNOWN) on 12/08/21 11:29:04 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) Clicked the link and waited for all ads to load  Enjoy ur $0.12]
[tweet: 1577312446976442368, from: @kniterite (UNKNOWN) on 10/04/22 07:59:27 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) thats 12 cents for every single page load, this is literally the gas price argument. that adds up FAST,]
[tweet: 1414277538407489536, from: @supersmolman (UNKNOWN) on 07/11/21 10:36:55 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) Wow really I guess that makes scents]
[tweet: 1473374468412162048, from: @lankque (UNKNOWN) on 12/21/21 11:27:01 (HIGH,,1,1,undefined) what do they smell like]
[tweet: 969627609108832257, from: @eigoneito (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:36:51 (HIGH,,5,,undefined) TLDR]
[tweet: 1028029647332622337, from: @terrence_cfp (UNKNOWN) on 08/10/18 02:25:42 (HIGH,,5,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1152352864192348160, from: @diaboliqueno1 (UNKNOWN) on 07/19/19 04:01:47 (HIGH,,6,,undefined) Staff Member Gets $12.84 Paycheck, Told To Put $5 In The F-bomb Jar.]
[tweet: 1155177581609537537, from: @dykeules (UNKNOWN) on 07/27/19 11:06:12 (HIGH,,5,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1169788324275527681, from: @tohanwi (UNKNOWN) on 09/05/19 06:44:04 (HIGH,,6,,undefined) I click and retweet, now make more @AndrewYang content lol.]
[tweet: 1170698969141280768, from: @ow_my_back_ (UNKNOWN) on 09/08/19 07:02:39 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Fine Reporting! Journalism at its best!]
[tweet: 1627036409809760257, from: @fedefrabetti1 (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 12:04:43 (HIGH,0,,,3) Omg we love you guys]
[tweet: 1626722187251163137, from: @travisflesher (UNKNOWN) on 02/17/23 03:16:07 (HIGH,0,,,66) This is just fact. No satire here.]
[tweet: 1627092130308177921, from: @drjessmichphd (UNKNOWN) on 02/18/23 03:46:08 (HIGH,0,,,1) I like it like that!]
[tweet: 1626648955311296519, from: @alyssakeiko (UNKNOWN) on 02/17/23 10:25:07 (HIGH,0,,,249) thank you The Onion]
[tweet: 1625518865332551680, from: @oceanus_11693 (UNKNOWN) on 02/14/23 07:34:32 (HIGH,0,,,16) Can you migrate over to http://Post.news so folks can send micro-donations?]
[tweet: 969767532767989761, from: @soul_souping (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 06:52:51 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) Area woman idly clicks like. Then read the headline. Pauses, and clicks link. Then eats a bowl of cereal. It was on sale. The cereal that is. The world continued it’s descent into chaos.]
[tweet: 1383425289468858376, from: @pepsiluche (UNKNOWN) on 04/17/21 07:21:06 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) I would like to read that article]
[tweet: 969751664315064320, from: @word_waster (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:49:48 (HIGH,2,60,4,undefined) No thanks.   If a topic can’t be understood by simply reading a headline, I’m not interested.]
[tweet: 1389803964288360450, from: @emcee_heated (UNKNOWN) on 05/04/21 09:47:41 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) I’M A SAVAGE]
[tweet: 1199893971000057857, from: @greatartimus (UNKNOWN) on 11/27/19 07:33:10 (HIGH,1,52,1,undefined) The voice of reason]
[tweet: 1389803812005859329, from: @emcee_heated (UNKNOWN) on 05/04/21 09:47:04 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) I’M A SAVAGE]
[tweet: 969623158767550464, from: @unit076 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:19:10 (HIGH,3,286,3,undefined) "sources added that, in all likelihood, you had merely enjoyed seeing this headline on Facebook or Twitter and probably weren’t even reading this fucking article." Jokes on you, I clicked and read it -- with the adblocker on!]
[tweet: 1025991352843165696, from: @dontreeonme (UNKNOWN) on 08/04/18 11:26:15 (HIGH,,87,,undefined) Things like this are why lifetime prison sentences exist smh.]
[tweet: 1411408029828984838, from: @jpelletierfict (UNKNOWN) on 07/03/21 12:34:31 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) What they said...]
[tweet: 1063879458652741632, from: @martintruther (UNKNOWN) on 11/17/18 11:40:03 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Cowards. Put it back up. https://theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799…]
[tweet: 1361487499873378304, from: @tcapoeti (UNKNOWN) on 02/15/21 05:28:09 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) No "sensitive content warning?' Look at you guys (may I say "guys"-that OK?). I once tweeted that someone's beagle had bad breath and I got the sensitive content warning.]
[tweet: 1035951773180018688, from: @gsignoret (UNKNOWN) on 09/01/18 11:05:24 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1036048472619794432, from: @patsignoret (UNKNOWN) on 09/01/18 05:29:39 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Lol. Okay I clicked on an ad!]
[tweet: 1176599115628724227, from: @stevendjbaumann (UNKNOWN) on 09/24/19 01:47:43 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1176599306385731584, from: @snatalieann (UNKNOWN) on 09/24/19 01:48:29 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1254428940770463745, from: @fat_dtea (UNKNOWN) on 04/26/20 08:15:40 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) go bankrupt mad about it]
[tweet: 1307237930503733248, from: @triinkam (UNKNOWN) on 09/19/20 01:39:44 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) @LauraSlingo]
[tweet: 1307724435101749248, from: @lauraslingo (UNKNOWN) on 09/20/20 09:52:56 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Haha my life]
[tweet: 1335995485622915073, from: @themad_chef (UNKNOWN) on 12/07/20 09:12:00 (HIGH,,5,1,undefined) By clicking the link I am transferring money from Twitter to The Onion? Is there a limit on how many times I can click it?]
[tweet: 1337130867970412559, from: @gge2019 (UNKNOWN) on 12/10/20 12:23:36 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Is there a limit to how many times I can not click it?]
[tweet: 1337924476059717636, from: @thrillout (UNKNOWN) on 12/12/20 04:57:07 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) Just fyi if you were to make a shirt with @WardSutton's Statue of Liberty (any emotional state, possibly multiple), I would buy at least two.]
[tweet: 1338536468197720064, from: @wardsutton (UNKNOWN) on 12/14/20 09:28:57 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) Thank you for the shout-out! But I believe you are referring to Lady Liberty as portrayed by @KartoonistKelly ... and as to your query about that specific T-shirt, please stay tuned!]
[tweet: 969758607037423623, from: @allew1366 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 06:17:23 (HIGH,,10,,undefined) I read it for the articles]
[tweet: 1337019662526136321, from: @beejay_fx (UNKNOWN) on 12/10/20 05:01:42 (HIGH,,3,1,undefined) Lol......I thought as much]
[tweet: 1130736813092421632, from: @volkaneo1 (UNKNOWN) on 05/21/19 12:27:18 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) But clicking means I subscribe to the propaganda that is distributed by your media outlet. But this Twitter, not YouTube. So it all confuses me - am I following you or am I subscribing. Does it matter when we will all die?]
[tweet: 1302346543882792961, from: @security_c_bots (UNKNOWN) on 09/05/20 01:43:07 (HIGH,1,7,1,undefined) Are you being serious?]
[tweet: 1165890892944805888, from: @adamanimations2 (UNKNOWN) on 08/26/19 12:37:04 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) I feel threatened]
[tweet: 1187090278580150272, from: @alfsgirl (UNKNOWN) on 10/23/19 12:35:52 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Heeeelp...]
[tweet: 1187843751567343623, from: @unabashedmisfit (UNKNOWN) on 10/25/19 02:29:54 (HIGH,,3,1,undefined) Hello @TheOnion more people would click the link if you didn't sometimes post images without accompanying stories. Suggestion: if there's a linked story, include a symbol on the image to indicate that. I suggest one of these:   Guaranteed your clicks will go up. You're welcome]
[tweet: 1187844403387219968, from: @milleronia (UNKNOWN) on 10/25/19 02:32:29 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) It has a link for an accompanying story.]
[tweet: 1417564450551382017, from: @atlblog (VERIFIED) on 07/20/21 12:17:56 (HIGH,,7,1,undefined) Speaking for the editorial staff, we all feel this - CW]
[tweet: 1515562625924358145, from: @fullofpages717 (UNKNOWN) on 04/16/22 10:27:42 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1432713308474429443, from: @zaphodb17 (UNKNOWN) on 08/31/21 07:34:05 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) I’m still not clicking it]
[tweet: 970428541014761472, from: @beckylynntalks (UNKNOWN) on 03/04/18 02:39:28 (HIGH,1,77,1,undefined) Good comedy and smart writing should not have to suffer low to no pay.  I clicked and will click again!]
[tweet: 1194627674271936514, from: @denistonmetzler (UNKNOWN) on 11/13/19 06:46:47 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Thanks Becky]
[tweet: 1020894530336325633, from: @kevinhardest (UNKNOWN) on 07/21/18 09:53:17 (HIGH,3,56,17,undefined) Finest news source; with language like that, I don’t think so!  #QuiteDisgusting]
[tweet: 1372267439774445571, from: @ynobosy (UNKNOWN) on 03/17/21 12:23:47 (HIGH,,24,,undefined) what did you expect when you made a twitter account? zero vulgarity?]
[tweet: 969622650845741056, from: @jplatzhalter (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:17:09 (HIGH,1,287,3,undefined) This is the best Onion headline I've ever read. :D]
[tweet: 969625083839852545, from: @haemaker (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:26:49 (HIGH,,17,,undefined) You should check out The Onion's 9/11 coverage. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT...ATTACK ON AMERICA"  https://google.com/amp/s/www.yahoo.com/amphtml/news/blogs/cutline/remembering-onion-9-11-issue-everyone-thought-last-162024809.html…]
[tweet: 1045719337171005440, from: @trishamott (UNKNOWN) on 09/28/18 09:58:13 (HIGH,,48,,undefined) I hate small talk, and love honesty, so I clicked the fucking link, you're welcome.]
[tweet: 1212914840878174210, from: @alexislucass (UNKNOWN) on 01/02/20 05:53:27 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) lol.... Hello]
[tweet: 1537562037177425920, from: @jurassicjosh341 (UNKNOWN) on 06/16/22 03:25:30 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) @MakeItAQuote color]
[tweet: 1537562120149250049, from: @makeitaquote (UNKNOWN) on 06/16/22 03:25:50 (HIGH,4,29,2,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1140935247384731649, from: @artistannepaul (UNKNOWN) on 06/18/19 03:52:15 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) You don’t make ad links have a large next button or arrow!]
[tweet: 1333502685035769859, from: @greg_bimbiras (UNKNOWN) on 11/30/20 12:06:30 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Can you please send me this link?]
[tweet: 1485734708147154944, from: @_wunderwood_ (UNKNOWN) on 01/24/22 02:02:12 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Okay! Okay! Sheesh. Ya happy now ffs?]
[tweet: 969624348561674241, from: @codecmendoza (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:23:54 (HIGH,2,23,,undefined) and this is to go even further beyond...]
[tweet: 1328664877322350592, from: @_troilface (UNKNOWN) on 11/17/20 03:42:46 (HIGH,1,44,,undefined) i know]
[tweet: 969623106699501568, from: @jeronmh (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:18:58 (HIGH,,59,,undefined) Not gonna do it...]
[tweet: 1304866295633063941, from: @gamersriseup123 (UNKNOWN) on 09/12/20 12:35:42 (HIGH,,30,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 969623401794080769, from: @cata_coin (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:20:08 (HIGH,4,143,3,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1164749818603819008, from: @forgetfup (UNKNOWN) on 08/22/19 09:02:51 (HIGH,2,16,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1059514195635359744, from: @chloeschatter5 (UNKNOWN) on 11/05/18 10:34:03 (HIGH,1,221,21,undefined) No need to use "BAD WORDS"]
[tweet: 1372196197331525635, from: @onionsin (UNKNOWN) on 03/17/21 07:40:42 (HIGH,,26,1,undefined) Those are enhanced words, my mind feels stimulated.]
[tweet: 969623474942763009, from: @ruddiver (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:20:25 (HIGH,,44,,undefined) I have my arrow hovering over the link just to taunt you]
[tweet: 969624050526863360, from: @haemaker (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:22:43 (HIGH,1,365,,undefined) That headline is so awesome, I shall "like" without even clicking on the link!]
[tweet: 1163101699717914624, from: @commodorenelson (UNKNOWN) on 08/18/19 07:53:49 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) On a lighter note, a marketing tip..]
[tweet: 1329616627684487169, from: @ibrihamturay (UNKNOWN) on 11/19/20 06:44:41 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1434571221002301447, from: @ecw117 (UNKNOWN) on 09/05/21 10:36:46 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) there you happy lol]
[tweet: 1602711008866439172, from: @gabrieltayard (UNKNOWN) on 12/13/22 09:04:16 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Rating 5]
[tweet: 1224751496086151168, from: @bayofwolf (UNKNOWN) on 02/04/20 09:48:06 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) aight i did it]
[tweet: 1567887879862452224, from: @thecatgirlrose (UNKNOWN) on 09/08/22 07:49:35 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Goat]
[tweet: 1515574121912057863, from: @gamingg91704553 (UNKNOWN) on 04/16/22 11:13:23 (HIGH,1,4,3,undefined) please give me an i phone my whole life will change you have so much money give me a phone please]
[tweet: 1517584827205267459, from: @iqoniqmuhammed (UNKNOWN) on 04/22/22 12:23:12 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) What the fuck]
[tweet: 1256751112775966720, from: @vishera310 (UNKNOWN) on 05/02/20 06:03:09 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) I didn't click a single link in that web page. Sorry Onion, looks like your not getting your 2 cents. :(]
[tweet: 1586197705117732865, from: @lifenuke (UNKNOWN) on 10/28/22 08:26:17 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Holy shit I did already!]
[tweet: 1289200394623688706, from: @turdferguson101 (UNKNOWN) on 07/31/20 07:05:00 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) - I thought I'd post another comment among the 1,000 already here bc someone at the onion might read it and care]
[tweet: 969660870421897222, from: @matthewdurant14 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 11:49:01 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I forgot...]
[tweet: 970016214050320389, from: @uminekoberi (UNKNOWN) on 03/03/18 11:21:02 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) good]
[tweet: 1000433005020700673, from: @mimiflyingcat (UNKNOWN) on 05/26/18 10:46:30 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I'm crying laughing after reading your fucking article! Are you happy!?]
[tweet: 1004999097181442048, from: @creed_headshots (UNKNOWN) on 06/08/18 01:10:31 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1024223121316794368, from: @ziggymeinhart1 (UNKNOWN) on 07/31/18 02:19:55 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) "Click"]
[tweet: 1026167668930428928, from: @j1bster (UNKNOWN) on 08/05/18 11:06:52 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1026574602015629314, from: @omarescamillaf (UNKNOWN) on 08/06/18 02:03:52 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1136920931824095233, from: @originalomnisun (UNKNOWN) on 06/07/19 02:00:47 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) You guys have a fucking website?]
[tweet: 969651169617371136, from: @alexanderarshem (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 11:10:28 (HIGH,,61,,undefined) Clicked the link and clicked on every ad on the page. Enjoy my fraction of a cent.]
[tweet: 1560956700647215105, from: @skatetdieu (UNKNOWN) on 08/20/22 04:47:33 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Ad clicks range between cents to a few dollars]
[tweet: 1147705575804985344, from: @introweenie (UNKNOWN) on 07/06/19 08:15:07 (HIGH,2,46,2,undefined) I right - clicked. Don't tell me what to do]
[tweet: 1389803891773030401, from: @emcee_heated (UNKNOWN) on 05/04/21 09:47:23 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) I’M A SAVAGE]
[tweet: 1224885322363875333, from: @theenbyvixen (UNKNOWN) on 02/04/20 06:39:52 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Alright, fine, I'll click the link. Does that satisfy your hunger for enough money that you may continue to maintain the website associated with said link? No? You want me to click it again? Fine, I guess I will...But just this once! Never again! Okay, maybe just a few more...]
[tweet: 1247246357758390272, from: @mapentrepreneur (UNKNOWN) on 04/06/20 12:34:39 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Your life saving news tweets are more accurate than you know, keep fighting the good fight.]
[tweet: 1265137395994972160, from: @snaughtond (UNKNOWN) on 05/25/20 09:27:14 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1300977618293084160, from: @higherimagezof1 (UNKNOWN) on 09/01/20 07:03:29 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) <--Clicked Link]
[tweet: 1425077560849928197, from: @theguywhohasto2 (UNKNOWN) on 08/10/21 05:52:21 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Three NSFW artists I follow also follow The Onion. There's more than that for sure!]
[tweet: 1481109394591035396, from: @pepsiluche (UNKNOWN) on 01/11/22 07:42:52 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Goddamn again @TheOnion !!]
[tweet: 1568085342389149697, from: @kentrupel (UNKNOWN) on 09/08/22 08:54:13 (HIGH,,8,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1588544279755968512, from: @millsm00572800 (UNKNOWN) on 11/04/22 07:50:44 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Old Enough. A.1.]
[tweet: 1604340675016785920, from: @dietmarmango (UNKNOWN) on 12/17/22 08:59:58 (HIGH,0,,,19) Do you thinks it's Pro to use language like this on social media, or does it make you guys look tacky? I used to be a fan, until now, but your onion breath is bad atm. Be more Pro. Be 'lekker' not 'kak'. :-p I hope to see more good from you. Please guys.]
[tweet: 969622275401101312, from: @wolfram1045 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:15:39 (HIGH,,10,1,undefined) *Clicks link*]
[tweet: 969622981344362496, from: @wolfram1045 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:18:28 (HIGH,1,48,2,undefined) I read y'all's article and even included the ad into my screenshot. Happy now?]
[tweet: 969622425347424256, from: @culalam (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:16:15 (HIGH,,11,,undefined) Because ransomware.  We can never have nice things anymore]
[tweet: 969622576476688386, from: @irvgotti36 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:16:51 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 969630895291424768, from: @pulpiteer (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:49:54 (HIGH,,7,,undefined) ALRIGHT! I read the fucking article!]
[tweet: 969632665040138240, from: @bbeevee (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:56:56 (HIGH,,12,,undefined) CLICK THE EFFIN LINK!!!!!]
[tweet: 969637440259424256, from: @bustmykeyboard (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 10:15:55 (HIGH,,3,1,undefined) "@TheOnion: Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link https://trib.al/FMhL4pm "]
[tweet: 1029731385320210433, from: @herculodge (UNKNOWN) on 08/15/18 07:07:48 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) We Don't Make Any Money Until You Willingly Show That Evisceration of Your Privacy Is Your Greatest Joy]
[tweet: 1128298896491458560, from: @dtwriters (UNKNOWN) on 05/14/19 06:59:54 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) LOL]
[tweet: 1171506993246244864, from: @asukimiku (UNKNOWN) on 09/10/19 12:33:27 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) This is my lifeblood, in the great words of Sam from that one book by Louis sachar, ‘the lizards don’t like onion blood’ the lizards being anybody and the onion blood being my overwhelming desire to read bullshit articles from this holy grail.]
[tweet: 1255339627227025409, from: @wlenckos (UNKNOWN) on 04/28/20 08:34:24 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) "After 25+ years of free-loading man still can't find link to donate/subscribe"]
[tweet: 1261701133996875776, from: @davidsoloabrams (UNKNOWN) on 05/16/20 09:52:46 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Locked door has faith graffiti on it]
[tweet: 1267490496735260681, from: @knight_karie (UNKNOWN) on 06/01/20 09:17:37 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Why do we have “parties”? I think it creates division and diverts the public to focus on sides rather than the big picture. Dissolve labels and vote for the person, not the party. Is this not common sense? Of course I ask this in the time of the Trump presidency, so....]
[tweet: 1269024993171722240, from: @delsamueljenki2 (UNKNOWN) on 06/05/20 02:55:10 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) What the hell are they being instructed to do and not to do at role call before the officers go on post,somebody explain this because somehow,people are either ending up seriously injured or killed...]
[tweet: 1270110347047796736, from: @adamcarriaga1 (UNKNOWN) on 06/08/20 02:47:58 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I clicked the fucking link]
[tweet: 1276382378290708481, from: @allindermason (UNKNOWN) on 06/25/20 10:10:47 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1117560212297256961, from: @cully121 (UNKNOWN) on 04/14/19 03:48:12 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Click the link.]
[tweet: 969623589128466433, from: @cockyspaniel (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:20:53 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) alright already. dam]
[tweet: 969623597261185025, from: @cantcsharp (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:20:54 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Ok. OK. I did it, now leave me alone!]
[tweet: 969633187344285697, from: @chianti9000 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:59:01 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Honesty work]
[tweet: 969637788990824448, from: @nashozumann (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 10:17:18 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Oh sorry]
[tweet: 969640017009299457, from: @alkrad7 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 10:26:09 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Clicked and closed it, happy?]
[tweet: 969646060753883136, from: @abdulwahabladam (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 10:50:10 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 969696114067812353, from: @randomuser899 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 02:09:04 (HIGH,1,9,,undefined) Click the link so @TheOnion will earn millions of dollars]
[tweet: 969745029085331456, from: @otcdynamics (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:23:26 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) Is this satire?]
[tweet: 969752039805898754, from: @godz_metal (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:51:18 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Shut up and keep making us laugh clowns!]
[tweet: 1404442367915180041, from: @airstrikingboss (UNKNOWN) on 06/14/21 07:15:28 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1411084286724300806, from: @annemarie55usa (UNKNOWN) on 07/02/21 03:08:05 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1446100660898893825, from: @themajority19 (UNKNOWN) on 10/07/21 06:10:39 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) They at least honest]
[tweet: 969723181241196546, from: @marybethhorn6 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 03:56:37 (HIGH,,4,1,undefined) Everyone loves FREE stuff!]
[tweet: 969750677340721155, from: @n0750leet (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:45:53 (HIGH,,3,1,undefined) Geez, am I supposed to read your mind? I’m a simple man. Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.]
[tweet: 970014278823460864, from: @miken32 (UNKNOWN) on 03/03/18 11:13:20 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) I thought you guys were rolling around in that sweet sweet #kinja cash?]
[tweet: 1000966282202632192, from: @michaeljmejia95 (UNKNOWN) on 05/27/18 10:05:33 (HIGH,1,5,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1001425328965812225, from: @founder366 (UNKNOWN) on 05/29/18 04:29:38 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Tommy's bottle weaning on the Rugrats.   Sippy Cup:   Drinkkk meee...    Tommyyy!!!   Tommy:   I don't wannaaaa   O'mee garshen.., I #clicked #TuesdayThoughts say it ain't so..., #bad #onion]
[tweet: 1002609015229042689, from: @richard69581667 (UNKNOWN) on 06/01/18 10:53:11 (HIGH,,5,,undefined) Click, the Fucking Link tastes like Puff, the Magic Dragon.   Just more oniony.]
[tweet: 1016829103255801856, from: @sara0766 (UNKNOWN) on 07/10/18 04:38:44 (HIGH,1,6,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 969624847855755264, from: @ironjohn1989 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:25:53 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Liked]
[tweet: 1156661869920378880, from: @oggyguy72 (UNKNOWN) on 07/31/19 01:24:14 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Ok.]
[tweet: 1171205472097099776, from: @sheldonshacket (UNKNOWN) on 09/09/19 04:35:19 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) The Profit said, "When you walk through a storm keep your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark. The lightning... well that's another matter."]
[tweet: 969631331532582912, from: @texblue02 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 09:51:38 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Not going there, read the reviews above]
[tweet: 969695170261405698, from: @andrewridesbike (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 02:05:19 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) I’m so ashamed. Please forgive me and allow me to make amends.]
[tweet: 969725843370110977, from: @thegift73 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 04:07:12 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Clicked and read it. (-:]
[tweet: 969749820549271552, from: @glenbrown15 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:42:28 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) My regards.]
[tweet: 969752689587482625, from: @thejoe1981 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:53:52 (HIGH,,5,1,undefined) clicking is less fun since you became a part of the govs propaganda wing.]
[tweet: 969753009377783809, from: @staceybluebell7 (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:55:09 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Alright calm down bulb heads, I clicked on you precious link so you can make a dime or two.  Ungrateful pricks.]
[tweet: 969758509750513666, from: @lunchbellblues (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 06:17:00 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Thanks for the reminder. I clicked on it this time.]
[tweet: 969749732376567809, from: @jzsouza (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 05:42:07 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Interesting. You learn something everyday huh]
[tweet: 969768973171556352, from: @braingoblin (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 06:58:35 (HIGH,1,4,1,undefined) P.J. O'Rourke sends his regards.]
[tweet: 969951708712288256, from: @panikkar37 (UNKNOWN) on 03/03/18 07:04:42 (HIGH,,108,,undefined) Oh shit, I clicked it]
[tweet: 970047384284729344, from: @lindsaygoldwert (UNKNOWN) on 03/03/18 01:24:53 (HIGH,,8,,undefined) I clicked]
[tweet: 970140724447580160, from: @trendyrenee (UNKNOWN) on 03/03/18 07:35:47 (HIGH,,9,1,undefined) I clicked the website  read the article, clicked liked and retweeted lol!]
[tweet: 1003734767563616256, from: @allikbeck (UNKNOWN) on 06/04/18 01:26:31 (HIGH,,6,1,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1007513734212870144, from: @sebastiandora14 (UNKNOWN) on 06/14/18 11:42:47 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Watashi wa dare mo kore o rikai shinai to negatte imasu]
[tweet: 1013906637181112321, from: @noapologies_usa (UNKNOWN) on 07/02/18 03:05:54 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1023270333762228225, from: @zergengaming (UNKNOWN) on 07/28/18 11:13:53 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) ive never wanted to click a link so fast in my fucking life. best marketing team ever.]
[tweet: 1035945088034062337, from: @translatorbot2k (UNKNOWN) on 09/01/18 10:38:50 (HIGH,,7,,undefined) My apologies, I've now clicked the fucking link. Thanks, Onion!]
[tweet: 1564630072333565956, from: @johnvaillant (UNKNOWN) on 08/30/22 08:04:13 (HIGH,0,,,undefined) Hi; who do I talk to about permission to reprint one of your tweets (w/photo) ?]
[tweet: 1008068037222850560, from: @ahmadchildress (VERIFIED) on 06/16/18 12:25:23 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Also, seeing at an ad isn't the end of the world, and it's a lot better than giving up tons of personal data in exchange for access to a social platform m]
[tweet: 1018918017231704071, from: @xyphophorus (UNKNOWN) on 07/16/18 10:59:20 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Report: this 100% someone else's problem]
[tweet: 1045406026332360704, from: @dcdoctorwitch (UNKNOWN) on 09/27/18 01:13:14 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) So....what exactly are you saying?]
[tweet: 1048867215850819585, from: @zom_bee_nature (UNKNOWN) on 10/07/18 02:26:45 (HIGH,,9,1,undefined) "I cannot read, I can only write. So I don't know what this headline says, or what the link is for" says Twitter user.]
[tweet: 1050242335202832384, from: @alicialikeshank (UNKNOWN) on 10/10/18 09:30:59 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) That doesn't make any sense.]
[tweet: 1065324225634992128, from: @firepfeiffer1 (VERIFIED) on 11/21/18 11:21:02 (HIGH,,9,,undefined) I did it, but just this once Onion.]
[tweet: 1119041598439010304, from: @lisa13966470 (UNKNOWN) on 04/18/19 05:54:42 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) Clicked it and didn’t emplode. Hang in there]
[tweet: 1020345346738851840, from: @outwidit (UNKNOWN) on 07/20/18 09:31:02 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) #FridayFeeling!!!  https://twitter.com/outwidit/status/1019267489182699520… #EU #EUCO #NATO #OECD #WTO #WEF #OPEC #SCO #SAARC #ASEAN #BRICS #IMF #WorldBank #AIIB #UN #UNSC #UNICEF #UNHRC #ICC #ICJ #CIJ #ONU #HRW #Amnesty #YGLs #USPolitcs #UKPoli #cdnpoli #EUPoli #Peace #Politics #Corporate #PRess #SocialMedia]
[tweet: 1046780189060075523, from: @taukk2d (UNKNOWN) on 10/01/18 08:13:39 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) It would've been funnier if the article was just "Oh, you actually clicked, uh, sorry for the rude language..."]
[tweet: 1050363076569128967, from: @aproudamerican5 (UNKNOWN) on 10/11/18 05:30:46 (HIGH,1,,1,undefined) That’s exactly why we don’t.]
[tweet: 1133868632713388032, from: @statelessworlds (UNKNOWN) on 05/29/19 03:52:02 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) Clicked link just for you, Onion.]
[tweet: 1151259308463669248, from: @___starving___ (UNKNOWN) on 07/16/19 03:36:23 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) @dotYexy @Yexy4L Read this article I’m dying laughing.]
[tweet: 1156619649808818176, from: @coachgriff_1 (UNKNOWN) on 07/31/19 10:36:28 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I don’t ever come on this account or read any of your material and I never click news links but this level of honestly earned a click from me.]
[tweet: 1161694583128023041, from: @faithtwenty20 (UNKNOWN) on 08/14/19 10:42:26 (HIGH,,5,1,undefined) Love it]
[tweet: 969656130912899073, from: @rijichouno (UNKNOWN) on 03/02/18 11:30:11 (HIGH,,1,1,undefined) Thanks for the lolz - whitelisted http://theonion.com.]
[tweet: 1006943933430198277, from: @kef357 (UNKNOWN) on 06/13/18 09:58:36 (HIGH,1,9,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1035940283840704512, from: @boterfnumber5 (UNKNOWN) on 09/01/18 10:19:45 (HIGH,,4,,undefined) Cool story bro]
[tweet: 1126066675567218688, from: @vince200706 (UNKNOWN) on 05/08/19 03:09:51 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Ohh man I just clicked so you got cash ?]
[tweet: 1149488780631367680, from: @airforcepam (UNKNOWN) on 07/11/19 06:20:56 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Wont be clicking the link after you worded your Request that way]
[tweet: 1193550726741536768, from: @walterhohmann (UNKNOWN) on 11/10/19 07:27:23 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) #StickToSports]
[tweet: 1204957588938534914, from: @firehorsegirly (UNKNOWN) on 12/11/19 06:54:10 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I clicked the link, read the article and felt sufficiently shamed to write this promise to click the links next next two times I see a tweet from you. You’re quite welcome!]
[tweet: 1214808155579961347, from: @02import_update (UNKNOWN) on 01/07/20 11:16:48 (HIGH,4,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1259952106699657216, from: @pug_hot (UNKNOWN) on 05/11/20 02:02:45 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Shame]
[tweet: 1265739633771474944, from: @vventamy (UNKNOWN) on 05/27/20 01:20:19 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Shame]
[tweet: 1034153651764424704, from: @gly4hs (UNKNOWN) on 08/27/18 12:00:18 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Check.]
[tweet: 1191172697188978690, from: @goatlett (UNKNOWN) on 11/03/19 05:57:56 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) ah yes a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer.]
[tweet: 1206376004551401472, from: @amyt0910 (UNKNOWN) on 12/15/19 04:50:27 (HIGH,,,1,undefined) But the titles are entertaining enough]
[tweet: 1228392023222296580, from: @yaylmfao (UNKNOWN) on 02/14/20 10:54:15 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) shocking revelation]
[tweet: 1231967998103244800, from: @big_t_23 (UNKNOWN) on 02/24/20 07:43:54 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) So you don't have to click the link....]
[tweet: 1277295276424925186, from: @rslashdeep (UNKNOWN) on 06/28/20 10:38:19 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Funny]
[tweet: 1278396712726511624, from: @lennon4life1968 (UNKNOWN) on 07/01/20 11:35:02 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.]
[tweet: 1279863081309478913, from: @davidsoloabrams (UNKNOWN) on 07/05/20 12:41:51 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Sketch artist starting to sweat during lengthy, elaborate fingerprint description.]
[tweet: 1291058728037302272, from: @ravingcrow (UNKNOWN) on 08/05/20 10:09:22 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) I'll click on the link once you pay me.]
[tweet: 1294703456737988608, from: @greyylane (UNKNOWN) on 08/15/20 11:32:13 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Onion indeed]
[tweet: 1063517464166899714, from: @treety12 (UNKNOWN) on 11/16/18 11:41:37 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) I clicked the link. You are welcome for Me getting You paid.]
[tweet: 1139094612180647936, from: @ytreblay (UNKNOWN) on 06/13/19 01:58:13 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Yvon Tremblay@@YTreblay]
[tweet: 1157362579959775233, from: @bronyphilosophr (UNKNOWN) on 08/02/19 11:48:36 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) The onion is truly the finest news source]
[tweet: 1195763155974021121, from: @deanshelton1334 (UNKNOWN) on 11/16/19 09:58:47 (HIGH,,2,1,undefined) Haha. @save_the_tweet]
[tweet: 1261392391266725888, from: @that1965dude (UNKNOWN) on 05/15/20 01:25:56 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) This is the reason i love The Onion, truly, the finest source of media]
[tweet: 1267919941644087296, from: @greykeith (UNKNOWN) on 06/02/20 01:44:05 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) the inverted pyramid of news at work]
[tweet: 1273404990468624389, from: @nicholaskeck1 (UNKNOWN) on 06/17/20 04:59:43 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Onion spittin facts]
[tweet: 1278713154705543168, from: @clemmons_sammy (UNKNOWN) on 07/02/20 08:32:28 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) Speaking of advertising, can you please advertise your informative news services on the Babylon Bee? They could use a little humor over there!]
[tweet: 1280525837931028480, from: @schmyzix (UNKNOWN) on 07/07/20 08:35:25 (HIGH,,1,1,undefined) Just saying, I’m waiting for the Qonion. The material is already there.]
[tweet: 1280527029767716864, from: @schmyzix (UNKNOWN) on 07/07/20 08:40:09 (HIGH,,2,,undefined) My skills are weak...]
[tweet: 1161402050242064384, from: @philzee2 (UNKNOWN) on 08/13/19 03:20:01 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) All right already I’ll click]
[tweet: 1201670448741793792, from: @celebrity_blog_ (UNKNOWN) on 12/02/19 05:12:15 (HIGH,3,4,,undefined) Ignorance has no color..... .............. by, Evon Latrail  https://youtu.be/kHQxPVn83cY  #viralvideo #evonlatrail #trending rt]
[tweet: 1217298203546046469, from: @cubicchunks (UNKNOWN) on 01/14/20 08:11:22 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Well u ain't gonna get money]
[tweet: 1279905370358657026, from: @drsandraburke (UNKNOWN) on 07/05/20 03:29:54 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Got it. Thanks!]
[tweet: 1294456167788351488, from: @philosophymatte (UNKNOWN) on 08/14/20 07:09:34 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Done!!!]
[tweet: 1299144606991482888, from: @emuirhead (UNKNOWN) on 08/27/20 05:39:45 (HIGH,,3,,undefined) The most honest click-bait in internet history.]
[tweet: 1313727045273346048, from: @workingonaname1 (UNKNOWN) on 10/06/20 11:25:10 (HIGH,,7,,undefined) You think I would dare do such a thing?]
[tweet: 1336109930768633857, from: @walters28552764 (UNKNOWN) on 12/07/20 04:46:45 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) Don’t say I never did anything for you, cuz I clicked the link like 240 times.  You’re welcome!]
[tweet: 1345133219306475520, from: @02import_update (UNKNOWN) on 01/01/21 02:22:05 (HIGH,1,1,,undefined) [empty]]
[tweet: 1347032977235181568, from: @goodloelogic (UNKNOWN) on 01/06/21 08:11:03 (HIGH,,1,,undefined) We see you! Lets fking go!]

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Bra-vo...
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"sources added that, in all likelihood, you had merely enjoyed seeing this headline on Facebook or Twitter and probably weren’t even reading this fucking article."
Jokes on you, I clicked and read it -- with the adblocker on!
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@deviant0n3's account is temporarily unavailable because it violates the Twitter Media Policy. https://Learn more.
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Area woman idly clicks like. Then read the headline. Pauses, and clicks link. Then eats a bowl of cereal. It was on sale. The cereal that is. The world continued it’s descent into chaos.
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I clicked it. I read it. I saved the onion.
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 orders: orig=17, rank=5, date=4
Alright, fine, I'll click the link. Does that satisfy your hunger for enough money that you may continue to maintain the website associated with said link? No? You want me to click it again? Fine, I guess I will...But just this once! Never again! Okay, maybe just a few more...
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 orders: orig=117, rank=6, date=142
Hello @TheOnion more people would click the link if you didn't sometimes post images without accompanying stories. Suggestion: if there's a linked story, include a symbol on the image to indicate that. I suggest one of these:  
Guaranteed your clicks will go up.
You're welcome
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 orders: orig=66, rank=7, date=128
But clicking means I subscribe to the propaganda that is distributed by your media outlet. But this Twitter, not YouTube. So it all confuses me - am I following you or am I subscribing. Does it matter when we will all die?
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 orders: orig=62, rank=8, date=98
Good comedy and smart writing should not have to suffer low to no pay.  I clicked and will click again!
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 orders: orig=71, rank=9, date=56
do u get money right when I click it or when the page completely loads?
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 orders: orig=15, rank=10, date=1
Clicked link, read article, and then white-listed in ad-blocker. I expect an accolade.
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 orders: orig=19, rank=11, date=19
That headline is so awesome, I shall "like" without even clicking on the link!
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 orders: orig=93, rank=12, date=14
"@TheOnion: Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link https://trib.al/FMhL4pm "
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 orders: orig=132, rank=13, date=25
Why do we have “parties”? I think it creates division and diverts the public to focus on sides rather than the big picture. Dissolve labels and vote for the person, not the party. Is this not common sense? Of course I ask this in the time of the Trump presidency, so....
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 orders: orig=138, rank=14, date=155
This is my lifeblood, in the great words of Sam from that one book by Louis sachar, ‘the lizards don’t like onion blood’ the lizards being anybody and the onion blood being my overwhelming desire to read bullshit articles from this holy grail.
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 orders: orig=135, rank=15, date=122
By clicking the link I am transferring money from Twitter to The Onion? Is there a limit on how many times I can click it?
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 orders: orig=56, rank=16, date=182
Sarcastically very True!  News sites don't make money unless viewers click on the links to the content they post.  Advertisers are paying for views on content landing pages.
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 orders: orig=7, rank=17, date=112
No thanks.   If a topic can’t be understood by simply reading a headline, I’m not interested.
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 orders: orig=40, rank=18, date=43
Do you thinks it's Pro to use language like this on social media, or does it make you guys look tacky? I used to be a fan, until now, but your onion breath is bad atm. Be more Pro. Be 'lekker' not 'kak'. :-p I hope to see more good from you. Please guys. 
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 orders: orig=125, rank=19, date=230
This is the best Onion headline I've ever read. :D
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 orders: orig=75, rank=20, date=6
Things like this are why lifetime prison sentences exist smh.
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 orders: orig=45, rank=21, date=73
 I hate small talk, and love honesty, so I clicked the fucking link, you're welcome.
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 orders: orig=77, rank=22, date=84
Click, the Fucking Link tastes like Puff, the Magic Dragon.   Just more oniony.
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 orders: orig=160, rank=23, date=60
Finest news source; with language like that, I don’t think so!  #QuiteDisgusting
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 orders: orig=73, rank=24, date=70
You should check out The Onion's 9/11 coverage. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT...ATTACK ON AMERICA"  https://google.com/amp/s/www.yahoo.com/amphtml/news/blogs/cutline/remembering-onion-9-11-issue-everyone-thought-last-162024809.html…
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 orders: orig=76, rank=25, date=17
I have my arrow hovering over the link just to taunt you
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 orders: orig=92, rank=26, date=11
 #FridayFeeling!!!

https://twitter.com/outwidit/status/1019267489182699520…
#EU #EUCO #NATO #OECD #WTO #WEF #OPEC #SCO #SAARC #ASEAN #BRICS #IMF #WorldBank #AIIB
#UN #UNSC #UNICEF #UNHRC #ICC #ICJ #CIJ #ONU #HRW #Amnesty #YGLs
#USPolitcs #UKPoli #cdnpoli #EUPoli
#Peace #Politics #Corporate #PRess #SocialMedia
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 orders: orig=190, rank=27, date=69
What the hell are they being instructed to do and not to do at role call before the officers go on post,somebody explain this because somehow,people are either ending up seriously injured or killed...
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 orders: orig=139, rank=28, date=157
My apologies, I've now clicked the fucking link. Thanks, Onion! 
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 orders: orig=181, rank=29, date=80
Clicked the link and clicked on every ad on the page. Enjoy my fraction of a cent.
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 orders: orig=113, rank=30, date=29
I read y'all's article and even included the ad into my screenshot. Happy now?
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 orders: orig=127, rank=31, date=7
Ignorance has no color..... ..............
by, Evon Latrail 
https://youtu.be/kHQxPVn83cY 
#viralvideo #evonlatrail #trending rt
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 orders: orig=228, rank=32, date=135
Interesting. You learn something everyday huh
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 orders: orig=172, rank=33, date=37
Tommy's bottle weaning on the Rugrats. 

Sippy Cup:   Drinkkk meee...    Tommyyy!!! 

Tommy:   I don't wannaaaa 

O'mee garshen.., I #clicked #TuesdayThoughts say it ain't so..., #bad #onion 
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 orders: orig=159, rank=34, date=59
Also, seeing at an ad isn't the end of the world, and it's a lot better than giving up tons of personal data in exchange for access to a social platform m
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 orders: orig=183, rank=35, date=65
Because ransomware.  We can never have nice things anymore
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 orders: orig=128, rank=36, date=3
And let’s be honest, the headlines are usually the only good parts of Onion articles.
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 orders: orig=22, rank=37, date=143
ah yes a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer inside a computer.
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 orders: orig=208, rank=38, date=130
Click the link so @TheOnion will earn millions of dollars
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 orders: orig=149, rank=39, date=33
Sketch artist starting to sweat during lengthy, elaborate fingerprint description.
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 orders: orig=214, rank=40, date=164
No "sensitive content warning?' Look at you guys (may I say "guys"-that OK?). I once tweeted that someone's beagle had bad breath and I got the sensitive content warning.
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 orders: orig=48, rank=41, date=194
"I cannot read, I can only write. So I don't know what this headline says, or what the link is for" says Twitter user.
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 orders: orig=186, rank=42, date=86
This one seemed to work well at the time for Mad Magazine
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 orders: orig=10, rank=43, date=191
Speaking of advertising, can you please advertise your informative news services on the Babylon Bee? They could use a little humor over there!
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 orders: orig=224, rank=44, date=163
Geez, am I supposed to read your mind? I’m a simple man. Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.
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 orders: orig=156, rank=45, date=40
I clicked the link, read the article and felt sufficiently shamed to write this promise to click the links next next two times I see a tweet from you. You’re quite welcome!
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 orders: orig=203, rank=46, date=136
I click and retweet, now make more @AndrewYang content lol.
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 orders: orig=31, rank=47, date=118
Just fyi if you were to make a shirt with @WardSutton's Statue of Liberty (any emotional state, possibly multiple), I would buy at least two.
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 orders: orig=58, rank=48, date=186
what did you expect when you made a twitter account? zero vulgarity?
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 orders: orig=74, rank=49, date=197
I right - clicked.
Don't tell me what to do 
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 orders: orig=115, rank=50, date=103
Thank you for the shout-out! But I believe you are referring to Lady Liberty as portrayed by @KartoonistKelly ... and as to your query about that specific T-shirt, please stay tuned!
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 orders: orig=59, rank=51, date=187
Wont be clicking the link after you worded your Request that way
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 orders: orig=201, rank=52, date=104
ive never wanted to click a link so fast in my fucking life. best marketing team ever.
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 orders: orig=180, rank=53, date=71
ALRIGHT! I read the fucking article!
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 orders: orig=130, rank=54, date=20
I clicked the website  read the article, clicked liked and retweeted lol!
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 orders: orig=176, rank=55, date=55
I don’t ever come on this account or read any of your material and I never click news links but this level of honestly earned a click from me.
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 orders: orig=195, rank=56, date=108
I’m so ashamed. Please forgive me and allow me to make amends. 
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 orders: orig=166, rank=57, date=32
clicking is less fun since you became a part of the govs propaganda wing.
 ranking=9.741344974103743 from {pop=2.71, coleman=0.46, numsent=1, flesch=1.17, cos=0, smog=0.85, ari=0.28, lix=0, time=1.63, numword=1, kincaid=0.26, fog=0.43}
 orders: orig=169, rank=58, date=45
No need to use "BAD WORDS"
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 orders: orig=90, rank=59, date=89
I didn't click a single link in that web page. Sorry Onion, looks like your not getting your 2 cents. :(
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 orders: orig=102, rank=60, date=149
I'm crying laughing after reading your fucking article! Are you happy!?
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 orders: orig=107, rank=61, date=57
Onion article:

Man states the obvious after watching the “Glass Onion"

“Well I guess that means no one will be using the Glass Onion anymore”
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 orders: orig=14, rank=62, date=231
I clicked the link. You are welcome for Me getting You paid.
 ranking=9.552045482991184 from {coleman=0.37, cos=0.74, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.03, pop=1.39, numsent=2, flesch=0.98, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.25, numword=1, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.13}
 orders: orig=217, rank=63, date=90
We Don't Make Any Money Until You Willingly Show That Evisceration of Your Privacy Is Your Greatest Joy
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 orders: orig=133, rank=64, date=77
Alright calm down bulb heads, I clicked on you precious link so you can make a dime or two.  Ungrateful pricks.
 ranking=9.492069301142273 from {coleman=0.44, numsent=2, flesch=1.09, cos=0.95, smog=0.69, ari=0.17, lix=0, time=1.62, numword=2, kincaid=0.16, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.31}
 orders: orig=170, rank=65, date=46
please give me an i phone my whole life will change you have so much money give me a phone please
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 orders: orig=100, rank=66, date=216
Those are enhanced words, my mind feels stimulated.
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 orders: orig=91, rank=67, date=195
only giving these willing clicks to the onion 
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 orders: orig=13, rank=68, date=42
Fine Reporting!
Journalism at its best!
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 orders: orig=32, rank=69, date=119
The article is talking about a website where people can vote on products to get free products. If you don't vote, you won't get any products.
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 orders: orig=2, rank=70, date=219
Is there a limit to how many times I can not click it?
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 orders: orig=57, rank=71, date=185
Just saying, I’m waiting for the Qonion. The material is already there.
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 orders: orig=225, rank=72, date=166
and this is to go even further beyond...
 ranking=8.802930900784817 from {pop=3.96, coleman=0.32, numsent=1, flesch=1.08, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.02, lix=0, time=1.89, numword=0, kincaid=0.12, fog=0.16}
 orders: orig=84, rank=73, date=15
Speaking for the editorial staff, we all feel this - CW
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 orders: orig=68, rank=74, date=206
The most honest click-bait in internet history.
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 orders: orig=232, rank=75, date=172
I thought you guys were rolling around in that sweet sweet #kinja cash? 
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 orders: orig=157, rank=76, date=52
I read it for the articles
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 orders: orig=60, rank=77, date=48
It would've been funnier if the article was just "Oh, you actually clicked, uh, sorry for the rude language..."
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 orders: orig=191, rank=78, date=85
Clicked link just for you, Onion.
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 orders: orig=193, rank=79, date=99
Thanks for the reminder. I clicked on it this time.
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 orders: orig=171, rank=80, date=47
You guys have a fucking website?
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 orders: orig=112, rank=81, date=100
-
I thought I'd post another comment among the 1,000 already here bc someone at the onion might read it and care
 ranking=8.244289310300786 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0.42, numsent=1, flesch=1.28, cos=0, smog=0.85, ari=0.42, lix=0.08, time=0.59, numword=2, kincaid=0.42, fog=0.52}
 orders: orig=104, rank=82, date=168
Or, like it says on the cover, National Lampoon. 
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 orders: orig=11, rank=83, date=192
But the titles are entertaining enough
 ranking=8.224143097057912 from {coleman=0.83, cos=0, smog=0.85, kincaid=0.42, pop=1.61, numsent=1, flesch=1.55, ari=0.38, lix=0, time=0.85, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.46}
 orders: orig=209, rank=84, date=137
Clicked it and didn’t emplode. Hang in there
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 orders: orig=189, rank=85, date=95
The Profit said, "When you walk through a storm keep your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark. The lightning... well that's another matter."
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 orders: orig=164, rank=86, date=120
It has a link for an accompanying story.
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 orders: orig=67, rank=87, date=129
That day, when we lowered the bar to accepting vulgarity as the norm.
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 orders: orig=3, rank=88, date=193
Report: this 100% someone else's problem
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 orders: orig=184, rank=89, date=68
Staff Member Gets $12.84 Paycheck, Told To Put $5 In The F-bomb Jar.
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 orders: orig=29, rank=90, date=106
Watashi wa dare mo kore o rikai shinai to negatte imasu
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 orders: orig=178, rank=91, date=64
thats 12 cents for every single page load, this is literally the gas price argument. that adds up FAST,
 ranking=7.574892948291794 from {pop=1.39, coleman=0.49, numsent=1, flesch=1.2, cos=0, smog=1.08, ari=0.42, lix=0, time=0.1, numword=1, kincaid=0.34, fog=0.6}
 orders: orig=24, rank=92, date=226
I'll click on the link once you pay me.
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 orders: orig=215, rank=93, date=169
Don’t say I never did anything for you, cuz I clicked the link like 240 times.  You’re welcome!
 ranking=7.366859937776573 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0.37, numsent=2, flesch=1.13, cos=0.55, smog=0.69, ari=0.06, lix=0, time=0.46, numword=1, kincaid=0.16, fog=0.29}
 orders: orig=234, rank=94, date=183
shocking revelation
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 orders: orig=210, rank=95, date=144
@dotYexy @Yexy4L Read this article I’m dying laughing.
 ranking=7.232673537024664 from {coleman=0.86, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.15, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=1.17, ari=0.38, lix=0.08, time=1.12, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=194, rank=96, date=105
This is the reason i love The Onion, truly, the finest source of media 
 ranking=7.1767043490133515 from {coleman=0.37, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.21, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=1.11, ari=0.21, lix=0, time=0.73, numword=1, fuzzy=0.6, fog=0.28}
 orders: orig=221, rank=97, date=151
Clicked the link and waited for all ads to load

Enjoy ur $0.12
 ranking=6.904851329576694 from {pop=2.2, coleman=0.32, numsent=1, flesch=0.9, cos=0.58, smog=0.3, ari=0.12, lix=0, time=0.23, numword=1, kincaid=0.05, fog=0.25}
 orders: orig=23, rank=98, date=211
So you don't have to click the link....
 ranking=6.749217809502043 from {coleman=0.18, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.05, jrw=0.39, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.85, ari=-0.12, lix=0, time=0.78, numword=0, fuzzy=2.6, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=211, rank=99, date=145
I did it, but just this once Onion.
 ranking=6.645016567218198 from {pop=2.9, coleman=0.17, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=1.23, numword=0, kincaid=0.05, fog=0.16}
 orders: orig=188, rank=100, date=92
You don’t make ad links have a large next button or arrow!
 ranking=6.638760195200301 from {coleman=0.31, cos=0.62, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.14, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.05, ari=0.09, lix=0, time=1.15, numword=1, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.23}
 orders: orig=81, rank=101, date=102
the inverted pyramid of news at work
 ranking=6.592207596591159 from {coleman=0.48, cos=0, smog=0.85, kincaid=0.2, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=1.22, ari=0.12, lix=0.05, time=0.69, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.43}
 orders: orig=222, rank=102, date=156
Your life saving news tweets are more accurate than you know, keep fighting the good fight.
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 orders: orig=118, rank=103, date=146
Shut up and keep making us laugh clowns!
 ranking=6.445218831458874 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.05, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, ari=0.08, lix=0, time=1.64, numword=0, fuzzy=0.5, fog=0.16}
 orders: orig=151, rank=104, date=44
Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.
 ranking=6.335809366461372 from {coleman=0.2, cos=0.74, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.06, pop=0.7, numsent=3, flesch=0.91, ari=-0.21, lix=0, time=0.64, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=213, rank=105, date=162
The onion is truly the finest news source
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 orders: orig=219, rank=106, date=110
Okay! Okay! Sheesh. Ya happy now ffs?
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 orders: orig=83, rank=107, date=214
Ok. OK. I did it, now leave me alone!
 ranking=5.880632862523541 from {coleman=0.03, numsent=3, flesch=0.91, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=-0.34, lix=0, time=1.9, numword=0, kincaid=-0.06, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=144, rank=108, date=13
"After 25+ years of free-loading man still can't find link to donate/subscribe"
 ranking=5.815565987885164 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0.32, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, cos=0.58, smog=0.3, ari=0.02, lix=0, time=0.76, numword=1, kincaid=0.05, fog=0.16}
 orders: orig=136, rank=109, date=148
Can you please send me this link?
 ranking=5.62828249332845 from {coleman=0.31, cos=0.95, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.05, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.85, ari=-0.02, lix=0, time=0.48, numword=0, fuzzy=1, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=82, rank=110, date=181
On a lighter note, a marketing tip..
 ranking=5.626228005447054 from {coleman=0.35, numsent=1, flesch=1.22, cos=0, smog=0.85, ari=0.02, lix=0.05, time=1.04, numword=0, kincaid=0.2, fuzzy=0.5, fog=0.43}
 orders: orig=94, rank=111, date=115
You think I would dare do such a thing?
 ranking=5.604207329615258 from {pop=2.64, coleman=0.2, numsent=1, flesch=0.87, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=-0.06, lix=0, time=0.5, numword=0, kincaid=-0.01, fog=0.18}
 orders: orig=233, rank=112, date=178
Wow really I guess that makes scents
 ranking=5.594161018014185 from {coleman=0.48, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.04, pop=2.2, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, ari=0.12, lix=0, time=0.28, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=25, rank=113, date=205
Three NSFW artists I follow also follow The Onion.
There's more than that for sure!
 ranking=5.58513014527845 from {coleman=0.48, numsent=2, flesch=1.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.12, lix=0, time=0.26, numword=1, kincaid=0.12, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=121, rank=114, date=207
*Clicks link*
 ranking=5.490976786976265 from {coleman=0.69, cos=1.16, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=3.22, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=0.16, lix=0, time=2, numword=0, fuzzy=1.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=126, rank=115, date=2
Oh shit, I clicked it
 ranking=5.447419594124843 from {coleman=0.16, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.09, pop=5.38, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=1.58, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=174, rank=116, date=51
We see you! Lets fking go!
 ranking=5.420335598639042 from {coleman=0.15, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.13, pop=0.7, numsent=2, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.25, lix=0, time=0.4, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=236, rank=117, date=190
Not going there, read the reviews above
 ranking=5.412829903147699 from {coleman=0.56, numsent=1, flesch=1.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.19, lix=0, time=1.84, numword=0, kincaid=0.12, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=165, rank=118, date=21
Hi; who do I talk to about permission to reprint one of your tweets (w/photo) ?
 ranking=5.29767733958749 from {coleman=0.33, numsent=1, flesch=1.17, cos=0, smog=0.85, ari=0.18, lix=0, time=0.12, numword=1, kincaid=0.26, fog=0.43}
 orders: orig=182, rank=119, date=223
Ohh man I just clicked so you got cash ?
 ranking=5.2463596153571785 from {coleman=0.2, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.01, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.87, ari=-0.06, lix=0, time=1.2, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.18}
 orders: orig=200, rank=120, date=96
Lol. Okay I clicked on an ad!
 ranking=4.984588645450986 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.12, pop=0.7, numsent=2, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.27, lix=0, time=1.32, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=50, rank=121, date=82
alright already. dam
 ranking=4.772945685145152 from {coleman=0.88, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.27, pop=2.57, numsent=1, flesch=1.38, ari=0.34, lix=0.99, time=1.91, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=143, rank=122, date=12
Everyone loves FREE stuff!
 ranking=4.75022339801755 from {coleman=0.83, cos=0, smog=0.85, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.34, pop=2.57, numsent=1, flesch=1.46, ari=0.33, lix=0, time=1.73, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.59}
 orders: orig=155, rank=123, date=34

 ranking=4.669932004099475 from {pop=5.75, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.93, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=88, rank=124, date=10
Well u ain't gonna get money
 ranking=4.653347822205252 from {coleman=0.28, cos=0.74, smog=0.3, kincaid=-0.09, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=-0.09, lix=0, time=0.83, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=229, rank=125, date=140
Loads
 ranking=4.583549406051947 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=5.43, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=1.22, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=16, rank=126, date=94
Locked door has faith graffiti on it
 ranking=4.439236163610793 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0.48, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.12, lix=0, time=0.73, numword=0, kincaid=0.04, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=137, rank=127, date=152
Can you migrate over to http://Post.news so folks can send micro-donations?
 ranking=4.20330065913371 from {coleman=0.29, numsent=1, flesch=1.06, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.02, lix=0, time=0.05, numword=1, kincaid=0.12, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.18}
 orders: orig=37, rank=128, date=232
Ad clicks range between cents to a few dollars
 ranking=4.175638046849964 from {coleman=0.46, cos=0, smog=0.3, kincaid=0.12, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.06, ari=0.15, lix=0, time=0.13, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.18}
 orders: orig=114, rank=129, date=222
Not gonna do it...
 ranking=4.12657509056736 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.11, pop=4.78, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.26, lix=0, time=1.95, numword=0, fuzzy=0.5, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=86, rank=130, date=8
P.J. O'Rourke sends his regards.
 ranking=3.974526151618311 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, pop=2.78, numsent=2, flesch=1.08, ari=0.15, lix=0.05, time=1.59, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=173, rank=131, date=50
CLICK THE EFFIN LINK!!!!!
 ranking=3.923459978483824 from {coleman=0.47, cos=1.89, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, jrw=0.41, caps=-3.0, pop=3.18, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=0.03, lix=0, time=1.83, numword=0, fuzzy=1.7, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=131, rank=132, date=22
The voice of reason
 ranking=3.7955927272272976 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, pop=4.72, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=-0.02, lix=0, time=0.88, numword=0, fuzzy=0.4, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=42, rank=133, date=134
This is just fact. No satire here.
 ranking=3.6870201573849877 from {coleman=0.31, numsent=2, flesch=0.94, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=0.03, numword=0, kincaid=-0.03, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=34, rank=134, date=234
Thanks for the lolz - whitelisted http://theonion.com.
 ranking=3.684139994696073 from {coleman=0.81, cos=0, smog=0.85, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=1.95, numsent=1, flesch=1.17, ari=0.33, lix=0, time=1.76, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.5}
 orders: orig=197, rank=135, date=30
I would like to read that article
 ranking=3.429115617433413 from {coleman=0.35, numsent=1, flesch=0.97, cos=0, smog=0.3, ari=0.02, lix=0, time=0.34, numword=0, kincaid=0.04, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.14}
 orders: orig=39, rank=136, date=198
"Click"
 ranking=3.1520100362146586 from {coleman=0.69, cos=1.64, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, jrw=0.38, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=1.4, numword=0, fuzzy=1.3, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=109, rank=137, date=72
I clicked
 ranking=3.1193111798668998 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=2.78, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.07, lix=0.1, time=1.56, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=175, rank=138, date=54
That doesn't make any sense.
 ranking=2.9628589482852723 from {coleman=0.39, cos=1.16, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.11, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.02, lix=0, time=1.28, numword=0, fuzzy=1.3, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=187, rank=139, date=87
Speaking of! @nyltiaccc
 ranking=2.869841306614079 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=2.57, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=0.16, lix=0.1, time=1.67, numword=0, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=12, rank=140, date=41
I clicked the fucking link
 ranking=2.747326789147801 from {coleman=0.51, cos=1.89, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.03, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1, ari=0.09, lix=0.08, time=0.67, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=140, rank=141, date=158

 ranking=2.703521267982671 from {pop=5.29, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.42, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=4, rank=142, date=188
Clicked and read it. (-:
 ranking=2.357935240112994 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, numsent=3, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.09, lix=0, time=1.72, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.03}
 orders: orig=167, rank=143, date=35
I feel threatened
 ranking=2.3111151766705755 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.07, pop=2.57, numsent=1, flesch=1.1, ari=0.19, lix=0.05, time=1.02, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=64, rank=144, date=117
All right already I’ll click
 ranking=2.2196284684372367 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0.95, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=0.21, lix=0, time=1.06, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=227, rank=145, date=113
She's so sparkly, me like.
 ranking=1.9941573316037902 from {coleman=0.32, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.11, pop=3.44, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.08, lix=0, time=0.35, numword=0, fuzzy=0.9, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=5, rank=146, date=196
<--Clicked Link
 ranking=1.9810956002951285 from {coleman=0.83, cos=1.16, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=0.28, lix=0.1, time=0.55, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=120, rank=147, date=173
i know
 ranking=1.8032599302456638 from {coleman=-0.05, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=4.52, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.43, lix=0, time=0.5, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=85, rank=148, date=179
@rustybrick Is this new?

Cc: @CyrusShepard
 ranking=1.7661209676310283 from {coleman=0.02, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=2.57, numsent=2, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.37, lix=0, time=1.07, numword=0, fuzzy=0.5, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=6, rank=149, date=111
@MakeItAQuote color
 ranking=1.7284423739463894 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.43, pop=2.2, numsent=1, flesch=1.64, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=0.15, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=79, rank=150, date=220
Are you being serious?
 ranking=1.6941532584430616 from {coleman=0.54, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, pop=3.1, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=0.09, lix=0, time=0.54, numword=0, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=63, rank=151, date=174

 ranking=1.663009888539945 from {pop=3.64, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.03, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=89, rank=152, date=116
Is this satire?
 ranking=1.6320480388549767 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.07, pop=2.08, numsent=1, flesch=1.1, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=1.71, numword=0, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=150, rank=153, date=36

 ranking=1.6197682910356597 from {pop=4.1, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.53, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=87, rank=154, date=175
Click the link.
 ranking=1.57669145218665 from {coleman=0.39, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, jrw=0.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=1.23, numword=0, fuzzy=2.6, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=142, rank=155, date=93

 ranking=1.5190987089098638 from {pop=3.05, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.48, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=198, rank=156, date=63

 ranking=1.5176198550128643 from {pop=4.39, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.14, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=80, rank=157, date=221
Good job jack
 ranking=1.474434528022294 from {coleman=0.29, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=2.31, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.13, lix=0, time=1.68, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=18, rank=158, date=39
Heeeelp... 
 ranking=1.4265005703904525 from {coleman=1.28, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.61, lix=0.99, time=0.94, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=65, rank=159, date=127
That’s exactly why we don’t.
 ranking=1.3413700727532814 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.07, pop=2.08, numsent=1, flesch=1.1, ari=-0.05, lix=0.05, time=1.27, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=192, rank=160, date=88

 ranking=1.3247387677850297 from {pop=2.84, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.5, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=177, rank=161, date=61
Yvon Tremblay@@YTreblay
 ranking=1.2959867340012459 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.43, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=1.64, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=1.16, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=218, rank=162, date=101
lol.... Hello
 ranking=1.257357628183677 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=2.2, numsent=2, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=0.84, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=78, rank=163, date=138

 ranking=1.148728167203905 from {pop=2.71, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.45, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=161, rank=164, date=67

 ranking=1.0818985100039096 from {pop=2.57, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.52, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=158, rank=165, date=58
Cowards. Put it back up. https://theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799…
 ranking=1.0319974967131103 from {coleman=0.28, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.02, pop=1.39, numsent=2, flesch=0.98, ari=-0.16, lix=0, time=1.24, numword=0, fog=0.05}
 orders: orig=47, rank=166, date=91
Clicked and closed it, happy?
 ranking=1.0175310169491523 from {coleman=0.57, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.09, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=1.78, numword=0, fuzzy=1.4, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=147, rank=167, date=27

 ranking=0.8869832557666215 from {pop=2.57, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.33, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=49, rank=168, date=81
Onion spittin facts
 ranking=0.8153807963791543 from {coleman=0.88, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.27, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.38, ari=0.34, lix=0.05, time=0.67, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=223, rank=169, date=159
Cool story bro
 ranking=0.7889745925272922 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=2.08, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=1.34, numword=0, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=199, rank=170, date=79
Thanks Becky
 ranking=0.7724649777026308 from {coleman=0.83, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=0.28, lix=0, time=0.89, numword=0, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=72, rank=171, date=132
Honesty work
 ranking=0.722434322033898 from {coleman=0.83, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=0.28, lix=0.1, time=1.82, numword=0, kincaid=0.15, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=145, rank=172, date=23
Love it
 ranking=0.716298082458142 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=2.71, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.31, lix=0, time=1.05, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=196, rank=173, date=114
Oh sorry
 ranking=0.7107700624483926 from {coleman=0.25, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=1.79, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=146, rank=174, date=26
good
 ranking=0.6899099463324045 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=1.61, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=1.56, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=106, rank=175, date=53

 ranking=0.6669918726550628 from {pop=2.31, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.37, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=28, rank=176, date=76
Lol......I thought as much
 ranking=0.6442644818379181 from {coleman=0.49, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=2.4, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=0.03, lix=0.05, time=0.45, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=61, rank=177, date=184
I’m still not clicking it
 ranking=0.6149752118644065 from {coleman=0.54, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=0.09, lix=0, time=0.25, numword=0, fuzzy=2.3, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=70, rank=178, date=208
I forgot...
 ranking=0.48778489242435197 from {coleman=0.25, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=1.75, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=105, rank=179, date=31
what do they smell like
 ranking=0.4716445558349739 from {coleman=0.33, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.09, pop=1.95, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=0.22, numword=0, fuzzy=0.9, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=26, rank=180, date=212

 ranking=0.4695658041915296 from {pop=2.64, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.84, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=204, rank=181, date=139
My regards.
 ranking=0.4653156779661023 from {coleman=0.54, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=0.04, lix=0.1, time=1.69, numword=0, fuzzy=0.4, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=168, rank=182, date=38

 ranking=0.40428000824828314 from {pop=2.31, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.11, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=30, rank=183, date=107
@kelvinelove @advocatemnyama
 ranking=0.38094612025599783 from {pop=2.4, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.99, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=8, rank=184, date=121
So....what exactly are you saying?
 ranking=0.2999444263226567 from {coleman=0.61, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=0.15, lix=0, time=1.31, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=185, rank=185, date=83
Haha. @save_the_tweet
 ranking=0.2997305095396091 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=2.2, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=0.89, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=220, rank=186, date=133
Goddamn again @TheOnion !!
 ranking=0.2952648305084745 from {coleman=0.98, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.44, numsent=1, flesch=1.65, ari=0.4, lix=0.1, time=0.21, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=122, rank=187, date=213
Onion indeed
 ranking=0.2613442144582503 from {coleman=0.83, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=0.28, lix=0, time=0.56, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=216, rank=188, date=171
Liked
 ranking=0.2240313559322029 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=1.88, numword=0, fuzzy=0.6, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=162, rank=189, date=16
 I’m out fam
 ranking=0.1114182365950892 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.15, pop=2.08, numsent=1, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.31, lix=0, time=0.97, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=9, rank=190, date=123
@LauraSlingo 
 ranking=0.08189851000390957 from {pop=2.57, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.52, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=54, rank=191, date=176

 ranking=0.028594084052717128 from {pop=2.08, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.95, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=52, rank=192, date=125

 ranking=-0.017680731633696434 from {pop=1.61, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.38, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=111, rank=193, date=75
Check.
 ranking=-0.10824519232141139 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=1.35, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=207, rank=194, date=78
Shame
 ranking=-0.12526750328688951 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=0.74, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=205, rank=195, date=150

 ranking=-0.12571636250598156 from {pop=2.78, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.11, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=123, rank=196, date=225
I’M A SAVAGE
 ranking=-0.13733163246686036 from {coleman=0.25, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=1.8, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=0.33, numword=0, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=43, rank=197, date=199

 ranking=-0.16455309650722816 from {pop=1.39, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.45, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=179, rank=198, date=66
#StickToSports
 ranking=-0.16818388746768154 from {coleman=0.49, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=0.03, lix=0, time=0.9, numword=0, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=202, rank=199, date=131
Funny
 ranking=-0.2116350228298851 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=0.65, numword=0, fuzzy=0.7, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=212, rank=200, date=161

 ranking=-0.25061341212787724 from {pop=1.8, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.96, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=51, rank=201, date=124
Got it. Thanks!
 ranking=-0.3148249945812982 from {coleman=0.29, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=2, flesch=0.8, ari=-0.17, lix=0, time=0.62, numword=0, fuzzy=0.3, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=230, rank=202, date=165

 ranking=-0.3407511245248003 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.97, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=129, rank=203, date=5
go bankrupt mad about it
 ranking=-0.4498709550332751 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=1.17, ari=-0, lix=0, time=0.77, numword=0, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=53, rank=204, date=147
Old Enough.
A.1.
 ranking=-0.6195788135593225 from {coleman=0.54, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.13, numsent=2, flesch=1.22, ari=0.02, lix=0, time=0.08, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=124, rank=205, date=228
aight i did it
 ranking=-0.6942902655320029 from {coleman=0.02, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.11, pop=1.61, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.32, lix=0, time=0.82, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=98, rank=206, date=141
My skills are weak...
 ranking=-0.7077727998970595 from {coleman=0.32, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.11, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, ari=-0.08, lix=0, time=0.6, numword=0, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=226, rank=207, date=167

 ranking=-0.8238019719824274 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.49, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=108, rank=208, date=62
Shame
 ranking=-0.8523129889315805 from {coleman=0.69, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=0.14, lix=0, time=0.71, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=206, rank=209, date=154

 ranking=-0.9254968872366647 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.39, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=110, rank=210, date=74
What the fuck
 ranking=-0.9434779606829924 from {coleman=0.29, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.13, lix=0, time=0.17, numword=0, fuzzy=1, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=101, rank=211, date=217

 ranking=-0.9837824265489505 from {pop=1.61, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.41, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=235, rank=212, date=189
Haha my life
 ranking=-1.0880143959422577 from {coleman=0.2, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.13, pop=1.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, ari=-0.21, lix=0, time=0.51, numword=0, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=55, rank=213, date=177

 ranking=-1.228813559322034 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=1.78, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=148, rank=214, date=28

 ranking=-1.2295451384133573 from {pop=1.61, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.17, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=1, rank=215, date=218
Done!!!
 ranking=-1.5179062092705633 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=0.57, numword=0, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=231, rank=216, date=170
TLDR
 ranking=-1.5203327036161243 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, caps=-3.0, pop=2.31, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=1.86, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=27, rank=217, date=18

 ranking=-1.6543104465586986 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.66, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=141, rank=218, date=160
What they said...
 ranking=-1.6566418024909033 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.81, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=0.28, numword=0, kincaid=-0.13, fog=0.07}
 orders: orig=46, rank=219, date=204
thank you The Onion
 ranking=-1.7618891949152542 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.04, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, ari=-0.02, lix=0, time=0.04, numword=0, fuzzy=0.4, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=36, rank=220, date=233
Goat
 ranking=-1.7755333279146315 from {coleman=0.39, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.1, lix=0, time=0.12, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=99, rank=221, date=224

 ranking=-1.8238019719824274 from {pop=0.7, coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.49, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=95, rank=222, date=180
They at least honest
 ranking=-1.8344739406779664 from {coleman=0.47, numsent=1, flesch=1.03, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=0.03, lix=0, time=0.23, numword=0, kincaid=0.04, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=154, rank=223, date=210
I’M A SAVAGE
 ranking=-1.9375656779661017 from {coleman=0.25, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=0.32, numword=0, kincaid=0.15, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=116, rank=224, date=200
I’M A SAVAGE
 ranking=-1.946040254237288 from {coleman=0.25, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=0.31, numword=0, kincaid=0.15, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=41, rank=225, date=201
Rating 5
 ranking=-2.083328389830509 from {coleman=0.25, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.15, numsent=1, flesch=1.23, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=0.07, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.04}
 orders: orig=97, rank=226, date=229
I like it like that!
 ranking=-2.101655423728814 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.09, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=-0.24, lix=0, time=0.01, numword=0, fuzzy=0.9, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=35, rank=227, date=236
Holy shit I did already!
 ranking=-2.1141842372881365 from {coleman=0.33, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=0.03, numsent=1, flesch=1, ari=-0.05, lix=0, time=0.09, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=103, rank=228, date=227

 ranking=-2.288135593220339 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.72, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=119, rank=229, date=153
there you happy lol
 ranking=-2.31749936440678 from {coleman=0.39, numsent=1, flesch=0.82, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, ari=-0.02, lix=0, time=0.24, numword=0, kincaid=-0.11, fog=0.08}
 orders: orig=96, rank=230, date=209
Ok.
 ranking=-2.654104237288137 from {coleman=-0.2, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.57, lix=0, time=1.09, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=163, rank=231, date=109

 ranking=-2.7033898305084745 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.3, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=152, rank=232, date=202

 ranking=-2.711864406779661 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.29, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=153, rank=233, date=203
Omg we love you guys 
 ranking=-2.787180847457627 from {coleman=0.16, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.09, numsent=1, flesch=0.83, ari=-0.19, lix=0, time=0.02, numword=0, fuzzy=0.1, fog=0.1}
 orders: orig=33, rank=234, date=235

 ranking=-2.8135593220338984 from {coleman=0, numsent=0, flesch=2, smog=0, fww=-5.0, ari=0, lix=0, time=0.19, numword=0, kincaid=0, fog=0}
 orders: orig=69, rank=235, date=215
LOL
 ranking=-4.229262141473953 from {coleman=0.1, cos=0, smog=0.3, fww=-5.0, kincaid=-0.16, caps=-3.0, pop=0.7, numsent=1, flesch=0.79, ari=-0.34, lix=0, time=1.19, numword=0, fuzzy=0.2, fog=0.02}
 orders: orig=134, rank=236, date=97